Organized Chaos

  

   I live a very busy life. The five kids alone is enough to keep me on my toes. However, being a full time student, reservist, wife, maid, cook blah blah blah... I am constantly running. When people ask me how do I do it, I say, "It's just organized chaos." 

     From the outside looking in, I may look like I'm on top of everything and I have everything running smoothly like a well oiled machine. Actually, this is the furthest from the truth. There is always something that gets pushed to the back burner while I try to juggle three or four other things. None of which get 100% of my time. I can only imagine how great they all would be if each task/obligation had individualized attention. For instance, I am maintaining a 3.5 GPA at school. If, I had no other obligations or distractions, I am more than certain my GPA would be a 4.0.  I also can 'if' things to death, but like my step-father always says, "...and if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped." Whatever that means. 

     A part of me thinks that I thrive off of stretching myself thin. I always have to be doing something or I get into a funk. Four years ago, I tried to be a stay at home mom when my last child was born. It was heaven for maybe the first 3 months. Then I started going stir crazy and ended up in a depressive funk. I went days without getting out of my pajamas. When I would finally decide to shower, I would just put a clean pair of pajamas back on. I didn't cook and clean like I imagined the perfect house wife would do, and I wasn't the greatest person to be around either. 

     Yes, I have a lot on my plate. There are all the house projects that does not include my yard work and gardening adventures. There is school, which of course take a lot of my time if I want to maintain a decent GPA. However, I think I spend more time traveling to school than actual class time (I live 1.5 hours from my college). Then there is the every day chores such as cooking, cleaning and my chickens (It is the cleaning that gets put on the back burner the most). Lets not forget my homework and making sure the kids have theirs done as well. The kids are my #1 priority of course, but sometimes I think they get the short end of the stick. 

     I try to take time every day to reflect on my day in order to stay present and appreciate the moment. This is an absolute requirement of the day or else an overwhelming drowning feeling sinks in and all the future goals seem out of reach. Its amazing how well this works. It brings everything into focus and makes the big things not so big. I think of my family each and every day. They are the 'why' behind it all, and the saying "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all" rings true each and every time. 

     So, yes my life is busy and it can look like I do it all with ease. The truth is, the only thing organized about any of this... is the chaos.